how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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