it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
