just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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