im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize