I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
