I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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