i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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