i jhust puked up my retainher.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
