Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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