The maid of honor just puked.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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