final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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