K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
