we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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