I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize