So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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