There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
