Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize