shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
