Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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