Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
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