Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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