coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
