My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
