erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
