Heybabeimwearingurpanties
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
