just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
