I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
