Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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