happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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