Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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