I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
