hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
