Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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