its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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