dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize