Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
