Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die, sorry about rent.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
