She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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