420 ftw
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
