fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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