We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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