I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
