STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
