My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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