I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
