did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
