Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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