College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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