My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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