R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize