she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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