i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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