She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
