I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
