And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
