I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
