she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
