My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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