You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
