This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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