That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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