Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
