She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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