Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
