I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
