So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
