Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
