I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
