She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
