Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
