OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize