So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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