Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
