ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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