She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
