am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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