I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
