The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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