Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
