everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
