just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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