Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
