Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
