he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
