So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Soap is not a condiment
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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