Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
