ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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