Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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