We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
