if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
