I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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