Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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