theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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