he wants to bone in the snuggie
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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