He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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